Sunday, November 24, 2013

An Ode to my Twenties

Tomorrow is my thirtieth birthday.  I've kind of been waiting for this day for a while now, with excited anticipation, expecting to – as everyone I've heard talk about it says – feel a boost in confidence, finally know who I am, where I fit, what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.  To finally be comfortable within my own skin.  I must admit, as this milestone has approached, I seen myself falling into some of these new roles almost automatically, watching as the fog of my childish naivety cleared and the warming rays of the woman I was becoming began shining in on my life.  It's been both unnerving and comforting, this leaving behind of my early adulthood.  Like a ship sailing into an unknown harbor, unable to stop, and not even wanting to, but still, finding the fear of what awaits ahead a bit daunting.  

My twenties were both beautiful and tragic, mundane at times, and absolutely charged with life at others.  It's always like that, no matter where you are in the arc of life.  The waves of change bringing ebbs and flows, leaving me, at times, desperately low only to raise me to the highest of highs when I didn't see it coming.  In my early twenties, my life shifted in a way I'd never imagined it would.  It is not an exaggeration to say that those first few years drastically altered my life's course.  I got my heart broken, ripped out and torn to unrecognizable pieces.  I got very lost in my life.  I was, for the first time ever, completely alone, and in that moment of desolation, I found the most beautiful friendship, one within my own heart.  It took time for those wounds to heal, the truth is there is much hurt that I still carry with me from those years, hurt that can never be undone.  But it was that tragedy that led me to find myself.  And so it was worth it.  

I must celebrate the wonderful things that happened during this last decade of my life.  I met my best friend, who would go on to become my husband and make me the mother I'd always dreamed of becoming.  Through him, I rediscovered myself all over again.  It's as if my life has been a series of finding myself, seeing new facets of being through the eyes of those I love.  By far the biggest change my twenties brought me were the births of my three beauties, my children.  I have learned so much through motherhood, and I continue to learn from them every single day.  The sage wisdom of such young souls astounds me.  It's in the quiet moments with them that I get a peak into the magic of life.  There is nothing more spectacular that watching life unfold before my eyes, it has been my privilege to have spent these last six years watching my babies grow.  Through all the frustration, through the trials, through the work and the worries and the mundane, through everything that is difficult and painful about parenting, there is nothing so dark that the light of my children's faces can't outshine it.  There are a thousand beautiful moments for every hard one, and hundreds of peaceful memories to outweigh the chaotic ones.  My twenties taught me to see the sparkle of life, even when everything else seems shrouded in darkness.  They shine twinkling light into my life; my children are my stars.  

There are so many things I still want for my life, so much I'm looking forward to doing in this decade to come.  Fulfilling my life's dream of becoming an author.  Being present in the moment.  Strengthening and deepening my most important relationships.  Watching and guiding my children as they seek to find their way.  There is so much ahead, too much to look forward to to be sad to say goodbye.  So I bid you farewell, my twenties, and I open my arms wide and embrace the year to come.

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