When It Feels Like You'll Never Get There

If you've read this blog for any length of time, you've probably read about my goal of writing a novel.  It's not all that unusual a dream, and truth be told, I'm not completely sure why I have it.

I've always liked writing.  I wrote a bit in my early teenage years - nothing very good - and in high school, I stood out among my peers in several writing assignments.  I've written a few articles for various blogs and had a piece published in the online magazine, Venture (no longer around.)  I've spent much of the last six years doing some form of writing.  I've blogged here off and on, and done a lot of reading about writing and thinking about writing.  And I've also done a decent amount of  actual writing.

My first novel attempt (which doesn't even deserve that name) was little more than me figuring out how not to write a book.

My second, the book I'm working on now, deserves the title of novel.  It's been brainstormed and trashed.  Written and re-written.   Outlined and scratched and re-outlined.  I don't know how many drafts of this story I've been through to uncover the actual story that I am telling now.  I'm nearly 100,000 words in, and while I know for certain that I have the real story here, I'm still pretty far off from finishing it.

And that's the part I'm struggling with.

Parenting Fails – The Beginning of Parenting Well

Yesterday, I failed as a parent.  Not a fail, full stop, but many mini-failures to be exact.  

In fact, every day for the past nine and a half years, since my oldest child was born, I have felt at some point during the day, like a failure.  And the worst kind.

A parenting failure.

If I had to choose one thing to succeed at, the most important thing to do right in my life, it would be this parenting thing.  

So you might think that that's left me feeling pretty bad about my string of parenting fails.  But that, my friend, is not the case.

January Round-Up

Welcome to my first ever monthly round-up, where I get to rave on all the awesomeness I've been digging this past month.

Kindness Matters

I recently read the book by Jonathan Fields How to Live a Good Life.  While I plan on doing a more in-depth recap soon, I wanted to share a piece of the book that really stood out to me.

In the section on contribution buckets, Jonathan writes under the sub-heading Give to Glow,

"Turns out even the mere thought of being of service to others activates the part of the brain that releases the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine.  That makes us feel great and want to do more.  It triggers an enhanced sense of purpose and well-being and gives us that deeply yearned-for feeling that we matter.  That the things we do, at least in the moment, have meaning.

"Giving, it turns out, not only begets more giving, feeling good, and wanting to do more, but also deepens our sense of purpose."

Effin Good

If you saw my recent post on Instagram, you’ve seen this quote before.  I just love it.  Partly because it’s a little edgy and I’m a mom of three young kids, and I like a little edge now and then.  But mostly, I love this quote because it reminds me that it’s okay to try something new, and to be – and this is the kicker – just okay at it.  To be good enough. 

To do something before we’re ready.  To put something “out there” while we’re still a little unsure about it.  To try our best, and let our best be enough.  Even if that means that later, looking back, we see how truly horrible our best used to be.  That’s all a part of the process, a part of life.  If we wait until we’re ready, until everything is perfect before we begin, we’ll never do a damn thing.  And that’s not the life I want.

Reading Recap: The School for Good & Evil

It's my goal for 2017 to complete a book review for each book I finish.  It's been a while since I've done one of these, especially for other people to read!  So, without further ado, my first, of hopefully many, book report of 2017!

While on a trip to Asheville this summer, we wandered into a local indie bookstore, Malaprops Bookstore.    As I perused the writing and journaling section, the kids browsed the children's literature.  It was there, among the Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Junie B. Jones books, that Sadie picked up a book neither of us had heard of before, The School for Good & Evil.  We both read the inside cover and thought the book seemed interesting, but we didn't actually pick it up that day.  She had a stack of Percy Jackson books on her bedside table, so I promised once she finished those, we would start The School series.

We are all broken and that's okay

Leonard Cohen, Anthem

I've been thinking about how each of us has our own scars, our own cracks, our own broken bits which we may hide or cover or bury deep within us.  Maybe not even allowing our spouses, or friends, or even ourselves to see them, to acknowledge them.  The crack may be have formed long ago in childhood, and as each year passes, the pressures of life press on it, forcing it to expand outward.  And we can keep ignoring it, but that doesn't change the fact that it's there.  Perhaps the cracks we have are from loss, from a broken heart.  Maybe we are so afraid of letting them surface that we hide them from others and ourselves.  Maybe we numb out to keep from feeling them.  There are drugs, and alcohol, food and online shopping.  Any number of things we can use to push the feelings down, to try to fill the cracks.

2016 Reading Recap

At the beginning of 2016, I had a list of books I wanted to read.  Some were books we already had at home, but I'd never gotten around to reading.  (Anyone else order the penny books on Amazon? That's my vice.)

I didn't get to every book on my list, and some were added along the way.  Here's a list of every book I read last year.  Most I finished, but I don't force myself to finish a book if I've read far enough into it to realize it's just not for me.

Pumpkin Patch 2015

We took our annual family trip to Burt's Pumpkin Patch today.  It's been a yearly tradition since Alex & I married nine years ago!!

We had planned to camp at Amicalola State Park after hitting Burt's, but as it turns out, everyone else had planned on that too - so the campground was full.  This year we've struck out three times camping, not including today - it's just not our year when it comes to camping.

S I X

Amelia made it to six years old and we celebrated in a BIG way with family and friends and a field day of sorts.  It was so much fun for the kids and the grown-ups.

Summer Recap

Summer slipped by so quickly this year.  In fact, each year the kids get older and the months seem to pick up speed.  Reflecting back on the time we spent together through our pictures is my favorite way to slow down time.

Raven Cliffs Falls Trail

Summer has been calling us outside and to the trails.

Saturday we made plans to go tubing in Helen then hiking nearby at Raven Cliffs Falls Trail.  Tubing was relaxing and the rapids were more exciting then they had been last year.  Amelia flipped out of her tube, but Alex's catlike reflexes caught her before she even hit the water.  

After tubing and lunch, we planned to go find our hiking spot.  Unfortunately I failed to plan ahead, and didn't print out directions before leaving home.  The drive should've taken about 15 minutes,  but without cell signals we couldn't pin-point the site location, and instead we drove around for about two hours...  I was not pleased with myself at all, but on the upside, Gunner got a nap and the kids all had bounds of energy by the time we actually got to our trail.

Park Day

The kids are already getting bored with summer, and it's only been two weeks out of school - one of which was spent at the beach!!

I spend my mornings working at home, which means they are free to play on their own.  Most of the times that play revolves around play-doh.  Man, do they love the stuff.  The girls watch youtube videos of their favorite toys and then recreate the videos at home when their internet time has run out.  Gunner injects himself whenever possible.  It's fascinating to listen to them describe their play.

St. Pete + Reflections

Summer started last week and the first day saw us heading south to St. Pete's Beach.  It was a much needed vacation after a whirlwind year - school days for our two girls mixed with my revived career ambitions plus one lonely little man at home and a busier-than-ever husband. 

The Laser Show plus Ten Things

Summer is coming to an end this week, and we've been squeezing out every last drop of it!  Last friday, the kids and I did something we NEVER do.... we got doughnuts.  I know, shocking.  But let me say, not having one for more than a year made me enjoy them even more!  They were so good I even texted a picture to Alex to let him know what was waiting at home {yeah, we're crazy food people, but that's okay}.

Camping {Cloudland Canyon}

We left town for the Fourth of July to reconnect in our favorite way - camping.  It's a tiring thing to do.  There is so much prep work at home before leaving, and the whole set up and take down isn't exactly quick, especially with three little ones, but the memories are worth it.  

We drove three hours northwest to Cloudland Canyon State Park, and let me tell you, it did not disappoint.  The pictures cannot do this canyon justice.  It was truly awe-inspiring.

Tubing the Chattahoochee

As a family it's been our goal to live more from intention, to purposefully go out and do things together.  To make memories.  To spend our money and time on experiences instead of on things.

Finding Meditation at the Kitchen Sink

Lately, I've been finding the admonition to meditate nearly everywhere I look.  Articles, quotes, blog posts, and news bits, it seems the universe is telling me meditation is something I need in my life.  I don't love the word meditation - for me, it tends to bring on images of saints or very religious people sitting in silence.  It's a little eerie, a bit weird and the whole idea makes me a tad uncomfortable.  However, I can't deny the benefits that come from a still mind.  Connecting with my inner self, taking the time to analyze my feelings and thoughts, it's all very positive and an impetus to personal growth.  After all, how can I know which areas in my life I need to put work into if I never take the time to think about how things are going?  

Panther Creek Trail {Father's Day Hike}

We spent Saturday hiking Panther Creek Trail to celebrate father's day.  We splashed in the chilly water, looked for bugs and mushrooms, and listened to birds and the breeze.  There was so much to experience, the creeks and shoals, crossing nearly broke-down bridges, and climbing big rocks.

 

The Thing I'm Most Guilty Of As A Parent

There was never much question in my mind that I'd be an amazing mother.  From early childhood, I clearly recall this intense desire for children.  It was the one thing that I knew I was meant for.  That I'd be perfect for.